The narcissist lacks empathy. Consequently, he is not actually within the lives, emotions, needs, preferences, and hopes of people around him. Even his nearest and dearest are, to him, mere devices of gratification. They require his undivided attention solely when they "malfunction" - once they change into disobedient, independent, or important. He loses all interest in them if they can't be "mounted" (as an illustration, when they are terminally ill or develop a modicum of private autonomy and independence).
As soon as he gives up on his erstwhile sources of provide, the narcissist proceeds to promptly and peremptorily devalue and discard them. That is often completed by merely ignoring them - a facade of indifference that is named the "silent remedy" and is, at heart, hostile and aggressive. Indifference is, subsequently, a form of devaluation. People discover the narcissist "cold", "inhuman", "heartless", "clueless", "robotic or machine-like".
Early on in life, the narcissist learns to disguise his socially-unacceptable indifference as benevolence, equanimity, cool-headedness, composure, or superiority. "It's not that I do not care about others" - he shrugs off his critics - "I am merely extra stage-headed, extra resilient, extra composed beneath pressure ... They mistake my equanimity for apathy."
The narcissist tries to persuade individuals that he is compassionate. His profound lack of curiosity in his partner's life, vocation, interests, hobbies, and whereabouts he cloaks as benevolent altruism. "I give her all the liberty she can wish for!" - he protests - "I don't spy on her, follow her, or nag her with infinite questions. I don't hassle her. I let her lead her life the way she sees fit and don't intrude in her affairs!". He makes a advantage out of his emotional truancy.
All very commendable however when taken to extremes such benign neglect turns malignant and signifies the voidance of real love and attachment. The narcissist's emotional (and, often, physical) absence from all his relationships is a form of aggression and a defense towards his own completely repressed feelings.
In rare moments of self-awareness, the narcissist realizes that with out his input - even within the form of feigned emotions - individuals will abandon him. He then swings from cruel aloofness to maudlin and grandiose gestures supposed to display the "larger than life" nature of his sentiments. This weird pendulum solely proves the narcissist's inadequacy at maintaining grownup relationships. It convinces nobody and repels many.
The narcissist's guarded detachment is a sad response to his unlucky childhood. Pathological narcissism is thought to be the results of a chronic interval of extreme abuse by main caregivers, peers, or authority figures. On this sense, pathological narcissism is, therefore, a reaction to trauma. Narcissism is a form of Put up Traumatic Stress Dysfunction that obtained ossified and fixated and mutated into a character dysfunction.
All narcissists are traumatized and all of them endure from a variety of post-traumatic signs: abandonment anxiousness,
reckless behaviors, anxiousness and mood disorders, somatoform problems, and so on. However the presenting indicators of narcissism not often indicate submit-trauma. This is because pathological narcissism is an environment friendly coping (protection) mechanism. The narcissist presents to the world a facade of invincibility, equanimity, superiority, skilfulness, cool-headedness, invulnerability, and, in short: indifference.
This front is penetrated only in times of great crises that threaten the narcissist's skill to acquire narcissistic supply. The narcissist then "falls aside" in a technique of disintegration known as decompensation. The dynamic forces which render him paralyzed and faux - his vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and fears - are starkly uncovered as his defenses crumble and turn out to be dysfunctional. The narcissist's extreme dependence on his social milieu for the regulation of his sense of self-price are painfully and pitifully evident as he is crimson